Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
