I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
