I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
