This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
