I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
