My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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