His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize