What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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