It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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