There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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