I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
