I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
