I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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