I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
