My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
