C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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