my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
