Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
