I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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