come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
