i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
