Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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