just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
