your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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