he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
