he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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