If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
