you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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