I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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