normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
