so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
