Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i now understand why vodka
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
