hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
