I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
