you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
