I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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