hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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