I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
