Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to sanitize my soul.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
