party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Two words: blizzard sex
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
