So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
