I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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