There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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