i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
