I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
