you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
