Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
