dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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