sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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