hotel room ftw
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
