That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
