also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just gargled with NyQuil
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
